Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Her story

By Cassie - Her blog is Live.Laugh.L0ve. You can learn more about her here. You can read all posts from Cassie here.   

"Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see? She is yearning For shelter and affection That she never found at home She is searching For a hero to ride in To ride in and save the day." Does anybody hear here by casting crowns.

You see them everyday. You watch them approach, head down, hair pillowed around their face or ball cap pulled low. As they pass they carefully look up and smile - just a sheepish smile, a shy one. That's when you see it, that tiny glimmer of possibility. That tiny moment of who they are inside. Have you ever stopped and wondered how they got there today? Why do they try and hide from the world? Why do they try to blend in and why is it when they smile their face holds hope?

They try and hide because they have seen things. They blend in because they never got the attention they were looking for so they are no longer seeking it. How they got where they are today, well it starts with a story...

She grew up in a violent home. Her parents went through a nasty divorce. Her mother re-married and six months later it turned into another violent home. The violence was never directed at her, except that one time but she doesn't talk about how scared she was, but witnessing the violence was bad enough. She grew up in a home where love didn't seem real. Family was just something you were in and freedom was the key to happiness.

She doubts herself because she was doubted. She's afraid because she grew up afraid. She's paralyzed with fear at the raise of a voice, knowing any second, any wrong move and it could get bad, because that's all she ever knew. She doesn't want that for herself or for her family. 

How does she love with her whole heart? How does she even manage to get onto her kids? How does she even have hope for a marriage? How does she not crumple? How did she survive?

"I can count a million times People asking me how I Can praise You with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me Can circumstances possibly Change who I forever am in You."
  Bring the rain by Mercy Me.

She knew she wanted a better life & that life started with God. She remember's standing over her first born's sons crib and thinking I want better for him & she prayed. She knew better starts and ends with God. She is who she is today because of her past. She learned from things she watched, she knew who she didn't want to be. She can forgive because that's what God puts on her heart to do. She can love because God loves her. She can discipline her children because she knows her kids need structure. She still has hope for marriage because when God is involved their is strength. She does crumple & when she does, she prays. She survived, because she is a survivalist - she knew there was a light at the end of that dark tunnel.

She embraces her life with a vengeance because at one point or another she hated it. She has a hard time accepting herself but she tries. She has a hard time loving herself but she pushes on. She has a hard time believing she can do anything but she walks forward. 

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