figuring it out

By Skye - Her blog is Neathering Our Fest. You can read more about her here. You can find all posts by Skye here.  

when cassie asked me to write for embrace your
life i was thrilled and honored. immediately a million post ideas ran through my head - too fast
unfortunately for me to catch any of them and write them down. they were good ones too.



i've made several attempts to write this post. the words don't flow like they normally do. it is so
frustrating. and then i read cassie's thoughtful posts and digger's amazing words and wonder how they have it all figured out. how do they know so
much about embracing life? why can't i just embrace life like they do?

i'd love to dance in the rain, have a leisurely cup of coffee with a friend or just be able to sit for ten
minutes and enjoy my back yard. my brain just will not shut off for things like that. dancing in the rain
just makes me worry about having to wash and blow dry my hair afterwards. i can't fathom the idea of
having a cup of coffee without talking business. and in order to enjoy my back yard i would actually have
to go out there. who has time for that?

i suck a embracing life the way that normal people do.

(truly i use the word "normal" loosely here. i consider all these things to be pretty normal and accepted
ways to relax for most people. i'm the abnormal on here.)

this isn't revolutionary news to me. i have always been terrible at relaxing in a bubble bath or tune out
while i am getting a pedicure. i'm constantly thinking of what is next on my to do list or what i could be
doing instead of just sitting there. but i really tried to approach writing here as a way to figure out how i
can embrace life by slowing down and relaxing.

and i just can't. and accepting that is the first part of figuring it out.

for me to truly embrace the life i've been given, i have to participate in it. do something. go somewhere.
make something. cross something off a list. that feeling of accomplishment tells me that i have
embraced life a little more today. exhaustion at the end of the day reminds me that i have done
something worthwhile. that limb-numbing anxiety to get something done makes me feel alive.

so just because you might be reading all of these wonderful posts and wondering, like i was, why you
just don't get it, don't be discouraged. think about what makes you happy. do that.